Ode To Mommy

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I live with a woman. Her name is Melody. Or at least it used to be. The other day, for I think the first time ever, I did what countless parents and grandparents have done before me. I always said I wouldn’t, but there I was, giving in. Yes, I called Melody…mom.

You know what I am talking about. I was conversing with my kids and my wife. I turned and looked at her and said, “Well, mom, what do you think?” What’s funny is I don’t think she even noticed. When seven people have been crying out “Mom!” all day, what is one more voice?

The point is, this beautiful, energetic, dedicated woman I married, has become Mom. Now, I am not talking about her only having an identity as a mother. Please. What I mean is, I have witnessed the transformation of a woman from single, to married, to mom. I know her as a missionary, a counselor, a student, a girlfriend, fiancé, wife, friend. But for these seven little (well, not all little) people she is mom, and forever will be.

I am amazed by her ability to completely immerse herself in this. Sure she struggles, gets stressed, wants alone time. But over and over she gives herself to these tiny beings. She loves them, cajoles them, cleans them, consoles them, feeds them, and hugs them. She immerses herself in being their mom. Finds utter joy in it. She is so completely dedicated to them that I often feel a little selfish and self-centered around her. I fall back on the knowledge that the greatest thing I ever did for my children was get them this mom. I can’t top that!

We often applaud what we think to be the work of mothers. The time spent mopping or washing clothes or changing diapers. But ultimately, what truly makes a mommy is their willingness to pour themselves out. It is not what they do that makes them so special. It is how they give from the deepest parts of their souls.

I know that holidays like Mother’s Day or Father’s Day are a mixed bag for so many people. Bittersweet. Or sometimes just bitter. So, I send hope and healing to all who struggle with loss, or infertility or a difficult past as Sunday approaches.

But I also want to say, that if I could wish anything for you this Mother’s day, it is that you find someone in your life, like the lady in mine. A woman emptying herself for the good of the others God has given her. Just being around them is inspiring. So this weekend I hope you get to spend some special time with a mom. A mommy. And just soak in the beauty of giving.

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Slightly Stressed

 

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A little honesty today. I have seven children (that’s not the honesty part). Most of the time I am really glad I do. They bring joy, fun, and many opportunities for growth in my life. But every once in a while it is overwhelming. It has been almost fifteen years since nobody in our house needed a diaper change. A trip to the grocery store obliterates the budget. The other day I was in Wal-Mart. Just getting a couple of little things. Had my three-year old and ten month old with me. Suddenly, I had an urgent need to use the restroom. What do you do? Yes, I sat on a toilet while holding a ten month old and trying to keep an eye on a three-year old. When I walked out of the stall carrying a baby with my pants still down (underwear was up!) the employee at the sink looked at me like I was Ted Bundy.

What I am saying is this: it is very easy to be overrun, overwhelmed and just want it over. I desperately need reminders of why I am doing this, and the beauty of what I am doing. So here are a few tips to help us all get through the days when it seems like too much.

Hug every kid. When it feels overwhelming just stop. Stop trying. Stop talking. And just walk around and give everyone a hug. Then see where you are.

Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude. Find something to be thankful for. That dollar you found in the dryer. The friend who unexpectedly called to just say hello. The child who didn’t do what you wanted, but instead colored a picture for you. Say “thank you” out loud.

Notice the good in everything. Our one-year-old likes to scream. Don’t know why. Don’t think there is a reason. But he likes to hit you out of nowhere with a Roger Daltry level yell. It will make your ears bleed. And, he does it in the middle of the night. Yes, a scream combined with still waking up several times a night. So what could possibly be the good I see here? Nothing. Just kidding. The good is hard to see. But if you have ever been at the birth of a child, then you know that the sound of their first cry/scream is actually joy to your ears. It means they are breathing, healthy, alive. My son’s screams leave no doubt he is alive and healthy. I am so glad he is.

Do less. I know that seems counter-intuitive. When we are behind and stressed our tendency is to work harder and try to “get it all done.” Oh, we are a bunch of Martha’s. Sometimes what is most needed is to stop, sit down, and let the world fly by for a minute. Watch your son play with his Hot Wheels. Listen to your daughter tell her silly story. I know, the dishes need to be washed. But is that what is most needed? Is that what you will remember in twenty years? That you got all the chores done? So many times we say that we need to get stuff done so we can do what we really want or what really matters. Why not do what really matters first? Has anyone ever, in the history of the world, said that their biggest regret in life was that they played with their child instead of doing the laundry?

The point is, don’t let everything that needs to be done overwhelm your reason for doing it. You vacuum because you love your family (right?). But if the need to get the vacuuming done makes you stressed and irritable, that’s not loving. I don’t want a dirty rug, but what’s it worth?